Toughen Up: Stop Being Offended

“You’re not funny.”

“I’ve laughed harder at funerals.”

“You stink on ice…”

These are a few of the things yelled at me when I was learning to do stand-up comedy. Well, these are the things people yelled that are clean enough to print here.

I was no stranger to being on a stage. Before I decided to try my hand at comedy, I was a seasoned public speaker. I have averaged over 40 talks per year for the past 6 years.

And I’ve worked my share of difficult rooms. (Try being the after-dinner speaker at a convention of personal injury attorneys in a casino. Or giving a talk to a bar association in the middle of a Red Lobster on a day when they are running a senior citizen special.)

But nothing prepares you for being on stage, in a bar full of drunks, late at night, and not being funny.

People are going to say stuff and, you learn how to deal with it. You do that by being funny and putting hecklers down fast and hard.

Life is more subtle.

When people talk trash about you in the real world it is much more difficult to shut them up.

Sometimes, you don’t even hear people bad-mouthing you.

You can’t use a heckler put-down at work or with the members of the PTA who are saying nasty, false, ugly things about you.

But you can do something better…

You can live well.

You can succeed.

You can be the exact opposite of the people who are spewing the negativity.

In business and in life people say things that are hurtful.

But those things speak volumes about the people saying them. The statements are a reflection of THEM.

Grow thick skin.

Offense is never given. It is only taken.

You can simply choose not to become offended and live your life.

You know what other comics told me when it came to hecklers?

Just be funny.

That’s the best way to deal with them.

Do your job. Do it well.

Stop being offended and start being good.

The best revenge is living well.

Here is the transcript to this episode of Four Minute Fixation:

Toughen Up! How To Stop Being Offended

You hurt my feelings.

If you never ever wants to say that or feel that again, join me now and find out how.

Welcome back to another episode of Four Minute Fixation, today we are fixating on how you can never ever take offense to anything again. That’s right, I said you will never ever be offended again because you will not take offense. This is a critical element of the entire psychology behind being more resilient, being more focused, and being more productive.

You should never take offense when someone comes after you personally, especially in a business setting. Part of healthy self-esteem is understanding that offense is taken, not given. When someone says something hurtful to you, it’s up to you to decide how you can process it, and whether or not you take it to heart. Here are five steps you can use, to never ever take offense.

Before we get to that, let me remind you, to watch these videos all the way to the end, there’s always a little something extra after the credits roll.

Also, if you like these videos, make sure you give us a thumbs up, and make sure you subscribe on YouTube.

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You can follow me on Twitter, I’m @TheDaveLorenzo on Twitter, and also you can connect with us on Facebook.

That’s Facebook. Com/fourminutefixation.

Let’s talk about the five steps you can take to never ever take offense, take a punch to the gut, again.

First thing you can do, is practice positive preparation. If you’re going to put yourself out there, you’re going to give a speech, you’re going to meet with some folks who may be critical of you, you’re giving a talk to your employees, or you have to do something that’s putting yourself out there at risk of being emotionally vulnerable, here’s how you can practice positive preparation.

Positive Preparation Step One: Listen to testimonials or watch testimonial videos that people are giving you. When people tell you that you’re good and they take the time to write it down on paper or a record a video for you, reviewing those testimonials about do you do for others, is helpful to boosting your self esteem. That’s how your rejection armor that helps you, keeps you from, being really vulnerable in case somebody says something that you may take offense to.

Positive Preparation Step Two: Watch a video of you performing at a high level. Watch a video of you performing at a high level, or if you don’t have video, visualize yourself performing at a high level. Think back to a time when you performed at a high level, go there in your mind, and do this for five to ten minutes before you go out and give a speech, before you meet with that employee, before you go into that job interview, or you pitch for that big deal.

Positive Preparation Step Three: Put on your headphones and listen to some empowering music. Do this before you take the stage, do this before you go on the job interview. This positive preparation is really important to putting you in a good state of mind, a positive state of mind before you do the activity that’s going to risk vulnerability, where you could potentially be vulnerable to the criticism of others.

Second thing you need to do, is repetition and familiarity. If you’re giving a speech, go to the room where you’re going to be speaking ahead of time. Either the night before, an hour before, or five minutes before. Stand in the room, take in the environment, soak it in. Make sure you’re familiar with it, when we’re familiar with something, we become less intimidated. If it’s an activity where you’re exposing yourself to vulnerability to being criticized, do the activity over and over again in advance. Do some repetition. I tell people who are speaking all the time that they should practice in front of a live audience, the “live studio audience.” You do this because being in front of people makes you comfortable, makes you more familiar, makes it more familiar to you. Familiarity and repetition give you comfort and you’re less likely to feel vulnerable to criticism even though the criticism may come.

The third thing you should do, is go to a positive place mentally after you’re finished. If you’re performing, or if you’re in a sales meeting, or if you’re pitching for a big deal, or you’re meeting with an employee to deliver difficult news or information, afterwards take five minutes, go by yourself to a place, a positive place mentally. Review the activity in your mind, and only think about the things that went well. Cement those in your mind immediately after you finish. Get them cemented in your mind, these three things went really well. I don’t care if the performance, I don’t care if you were booed off stage, if you were heckled in a comedy show, after your performance sequester yourself, get as far away from the stage as possible, go some place isolated, and think for five minutes of the things that you did right. Get those cemented in your mind, and then go out and do whatever you have to do, get on with the rest of your day.

The fourth thing to do, is to remember what I started this video with, offense is taken. You have to take it in order to be offended. You can simply choose not to be offended, and it will bounce right off of you like rainwater. The offending comments, or the offending statements will bounce right off of you like rain water if you choose not to take them. Now I know, sometimes there’s personal criticism and it’s hard to deflect it, I know it is. Your choice to not take it personally is your choice, remember that. If you don’t take offense, then you won’t be hurt.

The fifth thing, always remember when somebody criticizes you, that’s really about them, it’s not about you, it never is about you. Criticism is about the giver, it’s never about the receiver. Somebody can say that I have a big nose, or that I speak too fast, or I have a New York accent, or whatever, they don’t like my hair. I am what I am, the criticism, personal stuff, is about them. Only accept, welcome, and wanted critique, only accept solicited feedback, unsolicited feedback is worth what you’re paying for it, and that’s absolutely nothing.

My name is Dave Lorenzo, this is Four Minute Fixation and we’re here today, and everyday, to help you make a great living, and live a great life.

Here are three more resources you can review on this topic:

Don’t Expect A Thank You

You shouldn’t do things because you expect others to appreciate them. You should do them because they are the right things to do.

How To Control Your Emotions And Advance Your Business

If you keep your emotions in check you can do some great things. Advancing your business requires you to keep calm and carry on. This episode of Four Minute Fixation can help you do that.

Thrive In Spite Of Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. Use them as rocket fuel to propel you and your business forward.